Category: parenting

cross-centered relationships

Posted in counseling, cross, family, friends, marriage, parenting, relationshipsTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

What is at the center of your of your life? Your center is what is your main thing, your top priority, and the thing you most passionate about. It is what defines you. Your center is clearly seen in what do you talk about or what is on your mind the most. Commonly it is a relationship, passion, career or cause. Have you seen your center change over the years?

What is the one thing God says must be our center? In 1 Corinthians 15:3 Paul says that our first importance is the cross of Christ—the gospel. The cross is like a hub with spokes to a wheel. It affects everything you do—your passions, career, causes and relationships. It wasn’t until I came to know Christ and begin a relationship with the God of the universe that I realized my relationships with my parents, friends, and authorities could be different.

For those who do not know God the cross is silly and stupid. “The cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God.” [1 Corinthians 1:18] People hate the work of Christ because it runs so contradictory to the way people think and live. The cross is foolish because people do not make the connection from what Christ did on the cross to how it impacts their life. The cross is crucial to all our relationships. If you say you have a relationship with God, the proof of it is how you view your relationships. How does the cross impact my relationships: with my parents, friends, authorities, or dating partners?

1. The cross is the means to change my motives within relationships [2 Corinthians 5:14-15]. Jesus went to the cross not because he thought it was going to be fun or a vacation to the beach. It was hard, painful, and torturous. He could have backed down, but He didn’t. He was motivated by love and joyful obedience, even when people mocked Him and beat Him and bullied Him.

First, my relationships must be motivated by Christ’s love. This is often difficult because we are motivated by getting things from people. We are consumers. We view our relationships as people owing us attention, love, and respect [note Pharisees: John 12:43; Luke 7:47]. We say to our parents, “You owe me a nice room with privacy. You owe me new clothes for school and respect for my possessions.” We think our authorities and friends should treat us fairly and respectably. If you think people owe you it will frustrate you because you often do not get what you want.

My esteem does not come from self or others, but comes from Christ. I have Christ-esteem [v.15]. The question is not what do people owe me, but what do I owe them? “Owe no one anything, except love each other.” [Romans 13:3] “Walk in love as Christ loved you.” [Ephesians 5:2] “The love of Christ controls us.” [v.14] I owe others love because God commands me to love one another [Colossians 3:12-17]. If I am a genuine follower of Christ I am able to love others because He has loved me [1 John 3:7-21]. The cross is proof of His love [1 John 3:16]. The cross shows just how horrendous my sin is, but how immense is God’s love. The cross puts me on equal terms with everyone else. I am no better, and no worse.

Second, my relationships must be motivated by joyful obedience. I am willing to submit to others authority in my life because I see it has benefitted me to submit to God’s authority. God protects and provides. No longer do I need to live in the frustration of being a man pleaser, but in the joyfulness of becoming a God pleaser. My motivation as a follower of Christ is not what other people think about me, but is God pleased with me [2 Corinthians 5:9].

2. The cross is the means of dealing with conflict in relationships [2 Corinthians 5:16-19]. The cross challenges my attitude towards those I have something against [v.17; cf. Titus 3:1-11; Colossians 3:8-15]. Often when I have something against another person I want to control the situation by letting them feel my pain or know my hurt. However, God says that vengeance is not yours and when we take wrath into our hands we make a mess of the situation [Romans 12:19]. Only God can be God. So how does God desire us to deal with conflicts?

What if I have sinned against someone? What if I have blow it and messed up a relationship? As a new creation in Christ I seek reconciliation and forgiveness for your sin. What if they do not accept my forgiveness? You cannot control their response. You have done your part. Trust God to minister to them [v.18-19]. What if it is physically impossible to ask for their forgiveness because of death or distance? If death take your unforgiveness to God, but if not write a letter or call the person you have something against.

What if someone sinned against me? If someone has wronged you and you are struggling with thoughts of bitterness or rage seek their forgiveness for your sinful attitude. You can, “Forgive as Christ forgave you.” [Ephesians 4:32] because “Love covers a multitude of sins.” [1 Peter 4:8] Love is powerful.

What about those who don’t seem to deserve my love? Have you heard it said, “Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me”? The Bible says, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all men.” [1 Thessalonians 5:15] What does it say about you if God can forgive sins eternally, but you cannot forgive someone? The proper response is to confront in love pointing them to the cross. In the cross, there is no one undeserving of God’s love.

Some people are fire starter while others are fire extinguisher. Who are you? An attitude of humility, gentleness, and understanding can diffuse many arguments, tensions and disagreements. “If any man is caught in any sin, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted.” [Galatians 6:1ff] “Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” [1 Peter 3:8-9]

3. The cross is the means to restore broken relationships [2 Corinthians 5:20-21]. The cross makes our relationship right with God and gives us the ability to reconcile our earthly relationships because we are ambassadors of reconciliation [v.20]. The cross attacks the issues that hurt relationships. The cross attacks and defeats sin. The cross does not tear down a relationship with God it builds up. Teenagers are champs at knocking others down with their teasing and tearing words. This has no place in the life of a Christian, “Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” [Romans 14:19]

How has the cross impacted your relationships with God and others? The proof of your relationship with Heavenly Father is seen and heard in your earthly relationships.

Quick Q&A on Cross-Centered Communication in my Relationships:

Q: What does a cross-centered relationship look like at home with my parents? What if my parents are on my case? What if we do not get along What if they have does something to you that scarred you really deep? Begin with the road towards reconciliation and obey joyfully as to the Lord [Ephesians 6:1-3]. As you honor your parents you are really honoring God.

Q: What does a cross-centered relationship look like at school with my teachers or at work with my boss? Trust God who appoints all your authorities [Ephesians 6:1-9; Titus 3:1ff] Even if some are unfair or unreasonable God has placed them into their positions of authority. Remember your boss is ultimately God. The way you work can be a shining light for God’s glory.

Q: What does a cross-centered relationship look like with my friends? If you see your friends sinning be willing to confront their sin [cf. Matthew 18:15-17]. This is what good friends do—they hold one another accountable. A loving friend does not sympathize with sin; rather they help their friends overcome sin. Also, humbly accept confrontation for your sin too.

Q: What does a cross-centered relationship look like in my future marriage or dating relationships? [More on this the next few weeks] Check out: 1 Peter 3:1-7, Ephesians 5:22ff, and 1 Corinthians 7.

what does the Trinity teach us about relationships?

Posted in family, God, leadership, marriage, parenting, questions, relationships, theology, TrinityTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Within the Trinity there is both unity and diversity: unity without uniformity, and diversity without division. This unity and diversity is at the core of the great mystery of the Trinity. Unity without uniformity is baffling to our finite minds, but there are demonstrations of this truth all around us; like a symphony, the human body, ecosystems, the church, the human race, a delicious meal, or a sporting event. Unity and diversity are woven into the fabric of the world by multiple images of the One who made it with unity and diversity.

Our human relationships uniquely and divinely reminisce the relationship between the Persons of the Trinity. This is no mistake, since man’s Maker stamped each man in His image. Most people never consider where this similarity has originated, but God has innately marked His creation with creative features that mimic Him—including our relationships. Today we will look at three distinct relationships that the Bible demonstrated both the unity and diversity of the Trinity:

Marriage is a relationship that demonstrates the Trinity’s unity and diversity [Ephesians 5:22-33]

Marriage is a wonderful picture that God uses to demonstrate His character as an unconditional, faithful, and sacrificial Lover. From the beginning of Creation God made man equal in His image [Genesis 1:26-27]. Though man and woman are quite diverse in appearance and God-given roles [Genesis 2; 1 Peter 3:1-7], they are both equally made in the image of God. If only man and woman within marriage would consider one another images of God, much of the conflict and chauvinism would dissipate.

The unifying love that Jesus has for His church is a beautiful demonstration of marriage [Ephesians 5:22ff]. Marriage is pictured in Christ sacrificing Himself for His church and the church submitted to Christ, which is paralleled by the husbands love his wife, the wife submitted to her husband, and both out of reverence towards Christ.

Church Body is a relationship that demonstrates the Trinity’s unity and diversity [Ephesians 4:1-16]

There is a glorious union between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Biblical Christianity stands or falls with the doctrine of the Trinity. Within the doctrine of the Trinity there are practical Implications. First, the Trinity makes God known in Christ [John 1:18; Exodus 33:20; 1 Timothy 6:16]. Second, the Trinity makes the salvation possible [Hebrew 9:14]. Third, the Trinity is fully dependent upon Himself [Acts 17:25]. Fourth, The Trinity provides the ultimate model for relationships within the body of Christ [1 Corinthians 11:3; 12:4–6; Ephesians 4:4–7].

When believers enter into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ they are adopted into God’s family—the church. The church body is made up of members who are all equal in the eyes of God. God in His divine purposes designed the church to function locally as a means for each member to grow spiritually through mutual relations and gift-oriented ministry with one another. Within His Body, God has given all a diverse role in order for the church to be unified in its display of God’s glory. God gave to the church offices: elders and deacons from the membership who are equal, but the elders are supposed to lead, the deacon’s serve, and the membership minister. When each one is doing their part the Body is a beautiful reflection of God’s unity and diversity.

Leadership (i.e. parenting & governing authority) is a relationship that demonstrates the Trinity’s unity and diversity [Ephesians 6:1-9]

The Trinity—God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit—one God, three persons, all equal but submissive. God the Son submits to God the Father and recognizes Him as the leader. There is leadership within the Trinity. This is called relational subordination.

Jesus, though He is equal with God, willfully submits Himself to the Father. He submits to the Father out of love [John 4:34; 14:31; 15:9-10], reverence for His divine authority [1 Corinthians 11:3; 15:25-28; John 3:16-17; 10:36; 6:38], and reliance upon the Holy Spirit for power and direction [Luke 4:1-2, 16-21]. Likewise, it is marvelous how the Father shines His spotlight on the Son as He purposes all things to be subject to Jesus [Psalm 2:7-9; Ephesians 1:9-10; 5:21; 1 Corinthians 15:27-28; Revelation 5:1-5, 8-9]. Likewise, the Holy Spirit pours forth the message of Jesus in the Word of God [2 Timothy 3:16-17, 2 Peter 1:20-21, Luke 24:24-27, 44, 1 Corinthians 1:18, 23, 2:2, Galatians 6:14].

Submission to leadership practically plays itself out in two ways: through parenting and governing authorities. In the government of a home: mom, dad, and the children are equal made in God’s image, but dad’s are supposed to lovingly, humbly, and sacrificially lead [Ephesians 6:1-4]. Also, God appoints government leaders and bosses, and our response is to joyfully submit as if we are laboring for God [Ephesians 6:5-9; Romans 13:1-7]. This can be difficult especially in a world that is filled with crooked politicians, unreasonable employers, and passive fathers, but we have an awesome example to follow in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

In conclusion, the Trinity gives us a multifaceted look at relationships. Whether, in a marriage, church, home, business or nation God has demonstrated to us unity within diversity. Imagine if in each arena of your life you were to embrace the diversity rather than run from it, what unity could there be?

T – 3 months = baby

Posted in children, family, marriage, parentingTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Mama Hutts belly is growing and growing. Right now it looks like a seedless watermelon is growing in Sarah’s tummy. It is amazing to feel the headbutts and crazy kickboxing at random moments day or night [not so sure mama likes it so much though]. To think that in a matter of three months a little miracle will come screaming into the world astonishes our socks off.

I really look forward to being a daddy. Here are a few realities that excite me about being a father:

Disciplining my child into a faithful follower of Christ. Sharing the gospel story with my children brings me the most excitement. Sarah and I have been praying long before we found out that she was pregnant that our children will exceed us as parents in living faithfully for God. This is a huge parenting priority, but its a load we do not bear alone.

Taking my child fishing. Last week, I spent time with my dad and brother fishing in northern Wisconsin. I learned how to fish as a kid because of the patience training of my father. Even if my child does not like to fish, just being able to spend quality time with them will be a treasure.

my most favorite book

Reading and telling stories. We already have a stash accumulating of our favorite children’s books and stories for bedtime, car trips, camp fires, and more. Not to mention all the stories to share about baby Hutts’ journey, mom and dad’s histories, and memories of those who have come before baby Hutts. [Note: You can help towards our book and story collection at our Amazon baby registry or for other baby items Target. Also Sarah’s baby shower is September 11 at BGBC]

Growing deeper in love with my wife. My wife will be a wonderful mother. I know this because she is an amazing wife and has a tremendous love for little ones. There are certainly unforeseen challenges and curve balls that we will learn about one another as a child is brought into our family. Yet the newness of parenthood I foresee strengthening our love for one another.

There is so much more that excites me that soon will be a reality. It is good that God gives you 9 months to stew over parenting.

no more ties for fathers please

Posted in attributes of God, family, followership, God, parentingTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Happy Fathers day. This is the day when we honor our dads by giving they ties, gift cards to Menards, and cooking them brats or steak on the grill. We are thankful for our dads. Dad’s have a huge influence over the lives of their kids. This year more than ever the reality of becoming a father is hitting home. With my wife approaching 5-months of pregnancy, I am thinking seriously about being a dad.

The name of the father in the story we are going to look at today is Jairus. He had quite the rap-sheet: he was a spiritual man being the “ruler of the synagogue.” He was a big cheese among the Jewish community. He possibly heard Jesus speak in the synagogue at Capernaum. But more importantly for this story he was a Dad.

We do not know the name of his daughter, but we do know that she was an only child (“only” cf.Jn.3:16), about 12 years old and was suffering a deadly illness. What do you suppose she saw in her dad? I wonder if she thought of him as being old-fashioned and out-of-touch like many today’s pre-teen daughters? I want to assume that she thought of her dad as a faithful man. What are the marks of a Faithful Father (Follower)?

Faithful fathers [followers] are not ashamed to worship Jesus [Luke 8:40-41]

“There came a man…and falling at Jesus feet.” Jairus approached Jesus during the day while many people were out and about [cf. this is opposite of Nicodemus who comes to Jesus in the middle of the night]. Jairus comes to Jesus because his daughter is sick. It is a hard thing for a father to see their children suffer. He approached Jesus without reservation and fell down at His feet [not out of exhaustion, but begging]. Matthew 9:18 “there came a certain ruler, and worshiped him” Notice: Jairus went himself. He did not send his wife, he didn’t send a servant, rather he went to Jesus Himself.

Oh, that dads would seek Jesus without shame. That they would take their priestly responsibility in the home. That they would seek Him without reservation. That they would seek Him boldly. A faithful father knows he has a faithful God.

Faithful fathers [followers] are not ashamed to invite Jesus to the house [Luke 8:41b-48]

“begged Him to come to his house.” Notice that the event that followed was “as He went,” the entire crowd followed on their way to Jairus’ house. Can you imagine that phone call? “Honey, everyone is coming over to the house.”

Oh, that God would give us Dads who would bring Jesus into the house. Men who would stand with Joshua and declare to the world, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Men who would lead their families in prayer, speaking the truth of God’s Word, worshiping and living out their faith.

On the way to heal Jairus’ daughter, Jesus is touched by a woman suffering from a long-lived physical ailment that caused her to be ostracized by her community. According to Leviticus 15, she would have been labeled “unclean” and anyone who would touch her would also be unclean. In the crowd she rushed to Jesus, and believed that if she simply touched Jesus she would be healed. In that moment, Jesus stopped. He draws attention to the woman. She confesses. And Jesus comforts her by saying, “daughter,” (only time Jesus ever uses these words) “it was your faith alone that saved you.”

This parenthesis miracle was a tremendous lesson on faith for both the crowds and Jairus. Not only did Jesus’ healing of this woman stall the situation to heal Jairus’ daughter, but paved the way for His words. Jesus miracle now shifts from public to private. While Jesus was still speaking to the woman a messenger can to Jairus to let him know that his daughter died and not to bother coming home.

Faithful fathers [followers] are not ashamed to put the welfare of their child in the care of Jesus [Luke 8:49-56]

“Do not fear, only believe…” When Jairus received the news that his daughter was dead, he didn’t dismiss the Lord, rather he gave her into Jesus’ care. This reminiscent of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Isaac on the altar. Jesus’ response to the father, “Do not be afraid. Only believe.” [Note: aorist imperative tense, literally, act in belief, “trust me,” “hey you, have real faith!”] Jairus completely put his daughter in the hands of God’s care.

Faithful followers of Christ are not afraid. They completely entrust their children to God. Ungodly fears are directly linked to things we are thinking [Proverbs 4:23; Philippians 4:8). Oh that God would give us Dad’s who would commit their children into the hands of Christ.

As I think about being a father, I want to be a worshiper modeling a love for God to my children. I do not want to be ashamed to invite Jesus into our house. He is our special guest, always welcomed and honored. I also want to sacrificially give my children over to the care of their God who is ultimately their Creator and Sustainer.