Category: marriage

Submit to One Another

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Each of the “one another” is challenging, even controversial. Consider how you respond when someone is encouraging, loving, bearing, forgiving, serving, or greeting someone else that you don’t like. None is more challenging and controversial than the one we will look at today.

Last month, I listened to the London Symphony at St. Paul’s Cathedral playing Handel’s Messiah. It was on YouTube, but wow, still. Just listen to the Overture. What instruments did you hear? Can you pick out any one instrument? With 106 musicians it isn’t easy. The beauty of a symphony is that each musician doesn’t showboat their individual talents; instead, they showcase their collective talent. Like today’s text, they are submitting to one another.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21) I don’t need to take a poll to know that this is NOT your life verse, even one of your favorites, probably not in your Top 100. It’s certainly not a coffee cup verse.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. This word—submit—gets people riled up. It has been the brunt of church controversy and filled biblical commentary. The word can carry negative baggage. How many of you right now have a tinge of discomfort? Like when someone says the word Mufasa? At the least, you likely wonder where I will take this text today.

The word submit combines two Greek words hupotasso, which literally means to put under. It’s used around 40 times in the Bible and carries a metaphor of a battalion voluntarily serving under a commanding officer. The heart of submission aims to make someone else’s thing a way bigger thing than my thing. In other words, to submit is the spiritual discipline of letting go of my addiction to have my own way, knowing if I continue to act that way, then it’ll kill me and destroy my connection with others near me. It’s the practice of putting death to self and living out the prayer “not my will but Yours.” To submit, I am willing to give up my seat (of comfort, power, prestige) for someone else without expecting more.

Let’s be honest, it’s a struggle to submit to anyone, let alone, one another. It doesn’t come naturally, especially coming from individualistic cultures. I submit to no one. I am born with a Wild West mentality. At the root of it, I buck against submission because I think I know those around me…and I know me. I see someone who is flawed and selfish. Who wants to submit to that?

It’s important to consider how the phrase “submit to one another” sits within its context. It is preceded by and connected to a list of qualities of one who is ”filled with the Spirit” (Eph. 5:18b-21). Notice the worship-filled language? Then it flows into three examples that show what Spirit-filled submission to one another looks like in real life:

  • Marriage (5:22-33): Wives submit to husband. Husbands submit to Christ. Spouses try to outdo one another in a submission competition—“No, you first!” even when it’s inconvenient and my partner wants me close. Pointer: Jesus is the Groom and we are His Bride.
  • Family (6:1-4): Children submit to parents. Parents submit to the needs of their kids even if it’s the middle of the night and it’s the fifth time my child needs me. Pointer: God is our Father and we are all His kids.
  • Workplace (6:5-9): Employees speak well of their leader. Leaders care for those they lead. Pointer: God is our boss and He sits atop the org chart of the cosmos.

Submission in marriage tends to take the spotlight, v.21 gets glanced over, and the emphasis becomes out of balance. What happens is an overemphasis on v.21 and under-emphasis on v.22, or the opposite, an under-emphasis on v.21 and overemphasis on v.22. Now, before you throw stones, I am simply presenting the issue and will leave you to wrestle with it. What I find peculiar, is that the issue is usually presented as an either/or interpretation. Either we submit under an yielded mutuality or we submit under an aligned authority. It is easy to see how those who emphasize harmony push for egalitarianism and those who emphasize order push for complimentarianism. Oh, boy, there’s so much to say there! I will give my three brief observations.

First, I will propose that the interpretation might not be either/or but both/and. Could mutuality and authority co-exist together and not be a cop-out interpretation? When one takes the Meaning of “submit” + Meaning of “one another” + Examples in the Text = Yes, it appears to be both/and!

Second, I have observed how fear pushes both interpretations. Fear pushes egalitarians to defend injustice, demand freedoms, and protect abuses, while fear pushes complimentarians to retain authority, demand rights, and guard weaknesses. These are noble acts when balanced with the character of Christ, but undoubtedly they get pushed to extremes. When submission becomes destructive or fear-based, then it violates the royal law of love.

Third, the Pattern of Paul in Ephesians 5 encourages each member of the church to say No to self-indulgence, self-service, self-centeredness, and self-aggrandizement and to say Yes to self-sacrifice (like Jesus). In other words, we have a growing 🩶-centered commitment to submit to one another. Rather than saying “I’ve got it all together,” I’m becoming more prone to saying “We are better together”. Let’s turn back to our text for today.

Submit to one another = We humbly yield & align to the interests of those around us.

The heart of submission is humility. This is seen all over the Scripture (cf. Micah 6:8; 1 Cor. 4:7, Gal. 5:13-14, Phil. 2:3-5, 1 Peter 5:5b). In 1 Peter 5:5 both submission and humility are contrasted with pride, which is a theme also seen in James 4:6, “God resists (antitassō, to put away or against) the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

Relationships flourish when clothed with humility rather than hierarchy. Submission is ultimately a posture of the heart. When I cease to submit, when I wait for others to serve me first, and when I feel superior to others, it says more about my heart. My heart is misaligned to the heart of God towards others.

Truth is, your church (team) is likely full of people that you wouldn’t go on vacation with, but you find a way to make it work—putting up with one another, putting yourself under one another—for the greater good. If you took this matter of humbling yourself towards one another seriously, what might it look like in your marriage, family, workplace, team, and church?

What we see throughout the Bible is that humility is not for the other person first, but it is for you. So important is humility that Jesus modeled it. Let’s see how Jesus submitted (humbly yielded and aligned)

  • his Father: he surrendered his plans and words, for greater glory.
  • his parents: he was dependent from birth through adolescence.
  • his disciples: he leaned on them and many of them weren’t even believers yet!
  • his creation: he took on a human body and he felt hunger, thirst, tiredness, and pain.
  • his govt authorities (law of the land): he rendered to Caesar what was Caesars.
  • his religious leaders: who didn’t “do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with their God.”
  • your need, he took your cup of wrath (sin), he humbled (lowered) himself to death.

We expect humility from Jesus, but what about me? As I gave ‘mutual submission’ some thought, what came to mind was my relationship with Blue. I am Blue’s appointed leader. I also lead a media project, and with that, I am under Blue’s authority as he serves as leader of the team with the media project. It’s not complicated. We just have to determine who is wearing what hat. On top of that, Blue and I are brothers in Christ. Almost every Wednesday, I meet with Blue and a band of warriors to pray and submit to one another through accountability. In that space, these men have the authority to speak into my life.

Another example of mutual humility was when Bob Shankly retired from Liverpool Football Club in 1974 with a showcase of 10 trophies. He handed the reigns of the team to a reluctant Bob Paisley. Shankly wrote a letter to Paisley and left it on his desk. It read, “Bob Shankly says Bob Paisley is the best manager in the game.” Paisley took the letter, added two commas, and sent it back to Shankly. It read, “Bob Shankly, says Bob Paisley, is the best manager in the game.” Paisley built on Shankly’s success and added 20 trophies (x2 Shankly). In his biography, The Quiet Genius, it was said that Paisley was a shy and thankful fellow who gave others confidence. His genius was being an ordinary man who fostered an extraordinary team.

Out of reverence for Christ = We rally together around the Greatness of Jesus.

Greatness is not achieved through power or prestige. Greatness is not won by force of arms or superior intellect. Greatness is not showing that I got it all together. Greatness comes through humble reverence. It comes when we rally together around the Greatness of Jesus.

Jesus turns upside-down the way the world measures greatness. Remember the mom who begged Jesus to give her two boys the best seats in heaven? When other disciples caught wind of it they were miffed, but they also wanted their shot at the special seats too. So Jesus got them together to settle things down. He said, “You’ve observed how godless rulers throw their weight around, and how quickly a little power goes to their heads. It’s not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant…That is what I have done. I came to serve, not be served. I came to give my life as a ransom for many.” (Mt. 20 cf. Phil. 2:7-11; Col. 1:15-18)

Herein is my power and motive to submit—I revere Christ (phobos, awe-inspired love). When I submit to Jesus first, from that flows a heart willing to submit to others. Submission to others is not based on worth—whether they earned it or deserved it, but solely on seeing Jesus is worthy and everyone that he created is made in His image. How does a reverence for Christ make a difference in your relationships? Your family? Your workplace? In your community? Among members of your church? What might it look like for you to submit? To one another? To a Chadian brother or sister? To the Chadian govt? I’m just putting it out there.

One of the most irony-filled stories in Scripture about submission is in the garden of Gethsemane (John 18). There we see Judas submitted to the will of the enemy. He turned Jesus over to the authorities. When the authorities arrived (who themselves submitted to religious leaders), they asked Jesus to identify himself. Jesus stepped forward and said, “I AM He.” At that moment, the guards fell on their faces in fear and submission. Peter decided submitting was for him, so instead he got out his sword and cut off the guard’s ear. In the end, Jesus silently yielded himself both to local authority and divine authority (“not my will but Yours be done.”) Thank God, for our sake, Jesus submitted to Father!

How often have you regretted yielding to your own way? My guess is a lot. How often have you regretted submitting to the Lord? Maybe never. What do you need to yield to the Lord today?

The distinguishing feature of a Spirit-filled follower is their growing reverence for Jesus’ greatness AND humbleness towards others around them. The temptation of power is greatest when intimacy is feared. When I bow my knee to Jesus, I can also bend to the interests of others. This isn’t self-deprecation. Rather, like Jesus, it’s self-sacrifice.

Imagine you’re a violinist and a conductor approaches you and says, “I want you to play in the first chair.” It would be self-deprecating to respond by saying, “No way! I don’t play. I’m no good at all,” when everyone knows that you’re an able and gifted musician. On the other hand, it would be self-sacrificing to respond by saying, “Absolutely, I can play! And I will play my best. I will make this orchestra and everyone around me better.”

I remember hearing Handel’s Messiah being played in an open city square by a university orchestra. I didn’t know about it beforehand, but the concert was free of charge. It was the harmony and authority of the music that drew me to want to stop and listen.

So it is with us. Think about it. You and I are members of a world-renowned orchestra. Each of you has a part to play. You didn’t come to the stage with your own gifts but supernaturally given to you. Being Spirit-filled, it is like you to humbly yield and align to the interests of those around you. With Jesus as your conductor, you rally together around His Greatness to make him shine. When you do it testifies to the mysterious way He brings such a motley crew together.

Lord, You are Great. There is not like You. Help us to rally around Your greatness. We need Your help. Please help us put off our pride and rebellion and put on humility. Teach us to live in submission—by putting ourselves under You and seeking to put the interest of others above our own. Make us servant-leaders like You. In the name of Jesus, amen.

Marriage and the Husband’s Role

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Marriage is bigger than life-long love and commitment to your spouse. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. As a husband loves and honors his wife he makes visible to the world around him how Jesus loved the church.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7, ESV

It is interesting that there are six verses for women and one verse for men. Is it that men can only handle one verse? Is it that men need it said simply? We may never know. Admittedly, it isn’t a short verse. And from this verse we see two indispensable things every woman needs from her husband: understanding and honor.

Seek to understand your wife.

This means a husband is to consider his wife, consider her point of view, listen to her, and aim to do what is best for her.

Men and women are very different (duh?). Some men would say it is impossible to understand women, however, this verse says there is no excuse. We are are to live with them in an understanding way. Here are three simple ways how:

First, study her. Husbands are to get an education in their wives. As you study you will know best how to love and honor her. Second, spend time with her. Peter says, “live with her.” In other words, do life with your wife. It is not possible to understand your wife if you’re not intentionally spending time with her.

Third, sympathize with her. Peter says it is sin to bully another person, even if you are stronger and the other person is weaker. Sometimes men sin terribly by pushing around their wives or children. That isn’t strength, it’s sin. A husband is to protect his wife and be her attorney. Women are like a thermometer that can be sensitive to slight changes and they may not bounce back from hurt as quickly as men. This is why the text refers to women as “weaker vessel.” This isn’t negative nor does it mean women are lesser, but God made them more delicate and thankfully so.

Show honor to your wife.

This means that a husband should not be rude to his wife, speak in a mean way to her, threaten her or make her scared, abuse her or hurt her in any way publicly or privately. By honoring her you show respect to her thoughts, ideas and feelings. Treat her like a princess.

Why honor her? She is an “heir of grace.” She is a daughter of the King. Together you benefit from the grace of God. Although as a husband and wife you may be very different from one another, you are equal on terms of grace. God shares with us every good thing.

There is a grave consequence for a husband who is doesn’t seek to understand or honor his wife to his wife. According to this verse, Peter says that a husband who is mean to his wife will not have his prayers answered by God. This means that a husband who do not lovingly serve his wife will not be lovingly served by God until stops sinning against her. God is concerned how we treat one another and how we treat one another affects how we talk to God.

Begin by praying for understanding. God will give it. Honor God and you will show honor to your wife. Your wife will blossom and the world will see Jesus brightly in you.

 

Questions for Reflection:

  • How does a husband understand his wife? If you are a husband, where do you need to grow in understanding your wife? How are you spending time with your wife?
  • What are the responsibilities of a husband toward his wife? What does it look like to show honor to your wife? How does a man’s attitude effect his ministry? How does your behavior preach the gospel to your wife and others? How does the way you treat your wife reveal your relationship with Jesus?
  • What does it mean that a woman is a “weaker vessel”? What doesn’t it mean?
  • What does it mean to be “heirs of the grace of life”? What does it look like to treat your spouse as an heir of grace? How does this passage support that men and women are equal but different?
  • How does your relationship with your spouse affect your relationship with God? How does it affect your prayers?

Marriage and the Wife’s Role

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Is the Bible’s idea of marriage roles really archaic or is it wisdom for today too? Going all the way back to the creation of the first man and woman, God created them equal in his image. Although man and woman are equal in value and purpose, God created them to fulfill unique roles.

We will begin by talking about women’s role in marriage because Peter begins with women (1 Peter 3:1-6). Men don’t tune out here because this is just as much for you. Now, the women Peter writes to are Christian, but their husbands are not. Likely they became Christians after they married. These women are living in marriages where faith and values clash. This doesn’t make for an easy marriage. So how is a woman to live with her husband in this kind of marriage?

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” – 1 Peter 3:1-6, ESV

A woman can influence her husband most effectively by her way-of-life (vs.1-2).

Women have tremendous influence in the home and with her husband. This does not mean that she can change either of them for no one can force change upon another person. But a woman who respects her husband, even if he doesn’t love God or show her at times, will have his ear and eyes and heart. Consider the character of the wife towards her husband for it can preach the good news.

The word the Bible gives for respect is submit. Some may confuse this by thinking that the wife has lesser or inferior role and that the husband has a higher or infallible role. Women can find themselves in two extremes when it comes to submission: putting up with abuse from her husband or demanding to rule over her husband. These are dangerous misunderstandings of roles and the teaching of the Bible.

A woman’s true beauty is internal, not external.

This does not mean a woman shouldn’t buy a new dress or put on make up or be in style. What it means is that those things are secondary. The primary area of beautification is the heart (vs.3-4). An inner beauty of gentleness and faith is precious in the eyes of God and man. True beauty comes from a woman being like Christ and obeying Christ.

Internal beauty is illustrated in the Scripture by Sarah, the wife of Abraham (vs.5-6; cf. Genesis 18; 21:7). Sarah and Abraham were in their golden years. They were without children, but God promised them an heir. What was humanly impossible with God the odds were possible. After a quick laugh she trusted God (cf. Hebrews 11:11). Sarah’s actions actually called her husband to submit to God too.

A wrong idea of roles can cause tension in marriage, but God intended roles for harmony. When a husband and wife understand their God-given roles they will see true joy and harmony in their marriage. Although there is an “i” in marriage, marriage is really about a mutual living within one’s roles to serve one another.

 

Questions for Reflection:

  • Why does “submission” stir up so much controversy today? How is submission distorted and perverted? What is the purpose of submission in marriage? What is the goal of a wife submitting to her husband?
  • How are foolish husbands “won” by their wife’s righteousness? What kinds of things are disrespectful for a wife to do? What kinds of things are respectful to do? How does respect make a relationship better?
  • What is the difference between internal and external adornment? What is a gentle and quiet spirit? How are these characteristics viewed as countercultural today? How does a woman’s character make her beautiful? How is submission more internal than external? Where do you spend your time more: on the internal or external?
  • How is the example of Sarah and Abraham good and fitting? What would have been frightening to Sarah? How is fear subdued by obeying God or heightened by disobedience? Who are some other godly women of the OT?

walking purely

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I remember like it yesterday. The doors in the back of the church swung open wide and there walked in my bride. She was bright eyed and blazing in her white gown. It was, is and will be one of the most beautiful and purest images in my mind. There is no wonder God refers to the church as his bride.

Purity in the Church—the Bride of Christ—is just as important as purity for the individual. Continuing in the thread of Hebrews 13:1-3 the authors shares four rapid-fire characteristics for believers and the church to walk purely.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Do not be led away by diverse and strange teachings, for it is good for the heart to be strengthened by grace, not by foods, which have not benefited those devoted to them.” – Hebrews 13:3-9, ESV

First, honor your marriage (Hebrews 13:4). Today less than 50% of couples get married and the majority of couples are cohabiting rather than marrying. It is more common to test-driving marriage than to actually marry. This has led to a lower level of relational commitment and a greater distancing from moral purity. Yet this is just one aspect of purity. As purity is not just an idea before marriage but within marriage too. God expects the marriage bed to be pure from any form of casual or illicit immorality. In the mind of God, marriage pictures something big—Jesus’ love for the church. When marriages disintegrate so does the testimony of the church, but when marriages fight hard for purity so flourishes the church.

Second, love not money (v.5a). The only sure way to keep your heart pure from a love of money is by being content with what you have, especially in seasons of uncertainty (v.6). Why? Attached to this call for contentment is a mammoth promise—God will never abandon you (v.5b). Allow that truth penetrate your soul deeply. If you divorce yourself from this truth it lead to a lust for money, possessions, and discontentment. Ultimately everything, including money, career, health, security, comes from God.

Third, remember your spiritual leaders (v.7; cf. vs.17, 24). Leaders are to live pure and exemplary lives, and we are to imitate their faith and study their way of life. An issue can arises when we put too much faith in a spiritual leader to meet our spiritual needs. When a spiritual leader has failure or falls we can become disappointed and disillusioned. A good leader will point people to Jesus who never fails and will forever remain (v.8).

Fourth, guard your heart from strange teachings (v.9). Our hearts are easily distracted towards teachings what tickle our ears or stroke our ego. In the process we can commit adultery of the mind as we align ourselves with unbiblical teachings. It is important to weight all teachings against the Word and walk away from teachings contrary to it. If we build on this sturdy and stable ground we will walk purely.

Purity may seem old fashion, yet modern people would not think twice about drinking pure water, eating pure foods, or breathing pure air. When purity in marriage, money, spiritual leadership, or biblical teachings are abandoned the results are as grave on the soul as breathing smog, drinking poison and eating toxins. While purity is a gift from God that we cannot get back once given, it can be forgiven and made anew again.

Are you committed to walking purely? Then “Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.” (Ephesians 5:9-10) No matter where you are start today by walking in the light.

 

Questions for Reflection:

  • What is the biblical picture of marriage? How does the word tarnish and diminish this image? How does Jesus and the church redeem the image? How can we help one another keep marriage pure?
  • What is something that you don’t have that you wish you did have? Are you content without it? What makes us want what we want when we want it? How is money a huge culprit to a lack of contentment?
  • How does God’s never abandoning promise encourage you? How is God your Helper? What are things we want God to help us with that he doesn’t promise to help with?
  • Who is a spiritual leader you look up to? How do they mimic Christ? How can you follow their lead?
  • What kind of teachings tickle peoples ears and stroke their egos? Why is it good to weigh all words you hear in church against the Word of God? How can you do this without being extremely critical of teachers and pastors?
  • Is there an area of impurity in marriage, finances, leadership or teaching that you need to ask God’s forgiveness? Which area of purity is your greatest struggle? How will you allow the church to help or encourage you?

6 lessons learned from 6 years of marriage

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Sarah & Justin

A lot has happened in 6 years!  We’ve added 3 girls to our quiver, moved to a different country, and have lived half of our marriage in the bush of Africa. Our world is radically different from that day 2,190 days ago in Battle Ground, Indiana.

Marriage is school. It never stops. My subject of study is my wife Sarah (1 Peter 3:7). Here are some lessons I’ve learned the past 6-years with her.

1. My wife gets more beautiful each year.  I have rarely seen Sarah put on make-up.  She doesn’t need it. She is a natural beauty.  This is so mushy, but I simply like looking at her.

2. My wife has become my bestie.  I have had many good good friends, but Sarah is the best best friend I have. She knows my junk.  She is patient and loving with me.  She helps me become a better man.

3. Compliment the food even if it wasn’t a home run.  This has taken me a few years to learn.  My wife is a great cook.  In Chad, she doesn’t have a lot to work with, yet she finds a way to knock most out of the park.

4. It is loving to listen.

5. Praying together grows intimacy. Enough said.

6. It’s worth the wait. I was 29 years old when I married. I would wait another 29 if I knew it would be for a woman like Sarah.

Lessons Learned from my fourth year of Marriage

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Sarah & Justin-46
Make time for Jesus. This is the first priority. Sarah is my second.

My wife likes the little things. She does a dynamite job caring for our home, even though at this moment our home is in transition. Managing a home is a lot of work filled with many little tasks and no pay. By doing the dishes, changing the laundry, or vacuuming for Sarah can be a huge help to Sarah.

Ask the hard questions. I can read Sarah. She wears her feelings freely on her face. As her husband, I want to go deeper than asking, “How are you doing?” or “What’s up?” That usually goes nowhere. She likes when I asks her questions. She wants to answer.

Listen well. Asking questions is good, but like most dudes I have a natural tendency to listen in order to fix, but often Sarah isn’t looking for a quick fix. She wants me to listen. That in itself is helpful.

We are more alike than we are different. Sarah is not from Venus and I am not from Mars. We are earthlings, moreover, we are children of God made in His image. In God’s eyes, Sarah is a princess and her value is priceless.

We are distinctly different thinkers. Sarah is a verbal processor, while I am a ponderer. The beauty of marriage is discovering how these compliment rather than conflict.

Encourage friendships. Sarah has great friends. When Sarah comes back from a cup of coffee or prayer gathering with the ladies she is re-juiced. It is worth carving out the time to kick Sarah out of the house so she can spend time with her companions.

Snuggle. Sarah likes it when I sit next to her. I mean butted up next to her. Touch is a big thing to her. As a couple, it is good to be intimate often. Touch her heart before you touch her body.

Expect to be sanctified. My sin is so obvious to Sarah. Living with another person, especially a spouse exposes how self-centered I am. God uses Sarah to chisel at my core and I am becoming more selfless. It hurts, but it’s good.

Pray for wisdom. I cannot be the man Sarah needs me to be alone. I need God.

See entries from years past:
1st anniversary
2nd anniversary
3rd anniversary

lessons learned from my third year of marriage

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one of our first dates on South Street downtown Philly

Marriage is a good thing (cf. 1 Corinthians 7). I can still remember what it was like to be a single guy. It wasn’t that long ago. I liked being single. And I was single for a while. The longer I am married the more I realize what a wonderful thing it is. Sarah is God-sent.

Marriage is work. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking anything otherwise. Marriage is hard work. It is a field that needs to be cultivated and a storehouse that needs to be stocked. If not, your field will become weeded and shelves become empty. The best work we’ve done for our marriage is to pray together and point each other to Christ. He is our purest example of selfless sacrifice and unconditional love.

Marriage is the mending of best friends forever. Since August, I stepped down from my position as an assistant pastor and we have taken a course direction to plant churches overseas. Immediately our family loaded into our car and began traveling throughout the Midwest. You really learn about someone on a road trip. Sarah and I have been on a 9-month road trip! We’ve both survived and are enjoying getting to know one another better together in our tiny Honda Element. I love living with my best friend.

Marriage is beautiful. If Sarah were president she would be Babe-raham Lincoln! After 1.5 children my wife just gets more beautiful. Sarah is entering her 6th month of pregnancy and is more tired this time than when she was pregnant with Justus. Honestly, she still is the most attractive woman I know, inside and out.

Marriage has softened me. I am not soft in a fluffy or girly way. Although marriage has been healthy for me. Sarah is one good cook! Marriage has softened me like sandpaper to shaves rough edges. I have many insensitive slivers that Sarah has graciously sanded down. It hurts a little, but I think she has a better husband for it. I suppose that’s why God has given me a house full of girls. He is so humorous.

Marriage keeps you honest. It is easy to fib or lie to the one I love (Didn’t think this would be confessional time, eh?), but the longer I am with Sarah the harder it is to get away with dishonesty. Sarah knows me. And I am not a good liar, but Sarah is a good lie detector. Thankfully. It’s best just to be honest from the beginning. It saves marriage from messes.

Marriage is still sanctifying. Living with another person, especially a spouse reveals how selfish you really are. I am quite selfish, even after three years. However, I would like to think I am become more selfless because of the tender helpfulness of my wife. She counsels me to the core.

See entries from years past:
1st anniversary
2nd anniversary

I need a job

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Q: My job offers are falling through. So I might have to move my wife and kids in order to get a job. What should I do?

Here is my encouragement to you as the man, husband, and father of your home:

First, lead your family to a season of fasting and prayer. Maybe set aside a meal, a day, a game-time, a TV show or movie, or evening to do nothing but seek God’s face. Preferably together. Nothing pulls a family closer together and close to God than prayer.

God wants you more than He wants you in a career or a better place.

Second, make a career choice and own it. Even if you or your wife do not like it at the moment. Live by the principle: love God and do what you want. [Emphasis is on loving God first. I can explain that in detail more if you would like.] There are probably a half-dozen excellent choices for you to pursue. Pick one and own it. If it’s not working pick something else and own it too.

God wants you serving for His namesake and you can do that anywhere whether plumbing or preaching.

Third, put your marriage and family above personal ambitions. Even when you don’t have a job you got them. They need you. Your kids need a God-fearing dad. And your wife needs a Jesus-styled-husband. Whatever you do, don’t sacrifice your family at the altar of personal ambitions.

God wants you to pour yourself into your most important job, your woman and your chitlins.

Fourth, when you get a job, praise God and work your keaster off as if God is your boss. In reality, He’s your undercover boss. Thank God for His grace and goodness. Worship Him. He is the giver of all good gifts, even your work. In turn as an act of worship work hard for Him. And know that as you work for Him you will shine.

God wants you not to work to please man, but Himself, which takes a lot of stress out of the job.

thumb licks [2.9.12]

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Ways to build spiritual conversation.

8 profitable ways to read your Bible.

C.S. Lewis and the power of Story.

Don’t take it from me: reasons you should not marry an unbeliever.

How to disagree online without being a total jerk.

Atheism: lessons learned from Christopher Hitchens.

Free Run: I wish I could run like this.

 

thumb licks [1.27.11]

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5 Ways Wives Can Encourage Their Husbands.

An Open Letter to Christian Wives with Unbelieving Husbands.

20 Things a Husband Could Say to Defuse an Argument with His Wife.

Don’t Know How To Act When Someone Corrects You? Your Worries Are Over!

How to Honor your wife. Treating your woman like a queen.

Parenting Wisdom 101. Straight from Proverbs.

What Does God Want From Me? Some Important Thoughts For Children.

Why pray? Learning from the lips of Jesus.

Tom Hanks and Toddlers & Tiara’s:

Marriage: Is More than 5 to 9

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The last 60-days, since traveling from the Midwest to the East Coast to Europe and back, I have been with Sarah around the clock. Never before in our marriage have we been around this each other this much. I love it! Pray for her as she has to be with me so much! No, really. I am so grateful to be around both my wife and daughter throughout the day. You see, before we hit the road to raise partners for the mission I could go to the office but be a phone call away. On the road there is no office; no break from my family.

Pray that I will create godly habits as a husband. That I will shepherd my wife with a listening ear and loving spirit. Pray that I will be a 1 Peter 3:7 man that “lives with his wife in an understanding way.” I want to get my PhD in Sarah-ology. Most people I talk to tell me that is a lifelong degree because marriage is not 5 to 9 and work is 9 to 5. Marriage is all day everyday.

thumb licks [8.16.11]

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Can We Be Good without God?

Yes, of course.  But can you explain what morality is and where it comes from without God? That’s the key problem for an atheist worldview.  Craig Hazen explains in this Biola Magazine article.  Here’s the conclusion…

How the Gospel Makes Us Generous and Content with Our Money

I’m afraid the framing of this discussion leads us to ask the wrong questions. Like the junior high boy who wonders how “far is too far” with his girlfriend, we are quickly caught up in questions about how rich is too rich, how poor is too poor, and the like. Where is the line?

Letter to an Incomplete, Insecure Teenager

Four years ago a teenager church wrote pastor Piper for advice about life in general, and identity in particular. Here is what he wrote, with a big dose of autobiography for illustration…

Marriage: The Happy, Holy, Beautiful Mess

Ever hear the old adage: “Marriage isn’t primarily intended for your happiness, but for your holiness?” Well, it’s true and it’s a glorious thing.The growing in holiness part doesn’t always seem blissful. But it means that God isn’t finished with you yet, either. The purpose and hope in marriage isn’t defined by you or your spouse, but by God.

Paul’s Downward Trajectory

Paul refers to himself numerous times as worth “imitating” when it comes to spiritual growth and maturity (1 Cor. 4:16, 11:1; Phil. 3:17, 4:19; 1 Thess. 1:6; and 2 Thess. 3:7, 9). What do we see when we look to Paul as an example? He makes three significant statements about himself throughout his years in ministry that are helpful insights into his view of spiritual growth.

Spiritual Depression [D. Martyn Lloyd Jones]

Jacob’s Journey—from recluse to reconciliation [part 1]

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Jacob is not the poster child for godly examples to emulate. He is 70 years old, single, jobless, a total momma’s boy, and is now homeless on the run from his brother because he ripped off his birthright and father’s deathbed blessing. Jacob is literally between a rock and a hard place, but mostly from his own trickster tactics. The only glimmer of hope is a dream he is given from God on his first night alone away from the comforts of home. In the dream, God passes the torch of covenant promises given to Abraham and Isaac to Jacob and also promises to be with him until he comes back to the Promised Land.

Today we are going to walk in Jacob’s sandals and see how he moves from being a recluse to reconciling with his brother. Jacob’s journey is Hollywood script or screenplay material. His story is full of adventure, romance, drama, and with twists and turns has sort of a happy ending. We begin immediately following Jacob’s dream as he enters the land of Laban, his uncle [Rebekah’s brother].

Sowing and Reaping: Jacob—the trickster—gets tricked into marrying two sisters [Genesis 29:1-20]

As Jacob arrives at Laban’s sheep farm, he gets a glimpse of the beautiful bombshell, named Rachel [which just so happens to be Jacob’s first cousin]. Immediate Jacob gets to work to impress this gal. Since, Jacob comes to Laban empty handed he is asked to work. In exchange, Jacob bargains for a bride—the beautiful Rachel [meaning lamb/ewe].

Now Rachel had an older sister, named Leah [meaning wild-cow]. She had a crazy lazy eye. Both girls were unmarried probably because Leah was not much of a looker. And Jacob, like all the other guys in town, wanted to marry red-hot Rachel. Laban made Jacob work for seven years to earn the right to marry Rachel. And in one of the most romantic verses of Scripture, “Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.” Isn’t that so sweet and sappy?

Ironically, Jacob reaps what he sows [cf. Galatians 6:7-8]. After tricking his brother Esau he seems to think his life is prospering: he has escaped the hand of his brother, God promises to bless him, and he is about to marry the woman of his dreams. The big day arrives and Laban throws a wedding feast. Obviously, Jacob has a few too many glasses of wine at the wedding to notice that Laban pulled a switcheroo and gives away Leah rather than Rachel. The next morning when Jacob rolls over in bed he stares into the wandering eyes of his new wife Leah. I can only imagine Leah smiling at Jacob with a crooked buck-toothed grin.

Jacob confronts Laban deceptive plan, but Laban gives a lame yet legitimate reason, “It is customary for the oldest child to be provided for before the younger.” Though true, it is still a low blow. Jacob, the persevering romantic, loved Rachel so much that he was will to work seven more years for Laban. God is using Laban to chisel at Jacob’s character. When Jacob finally works fourteen years to marry Rachel he expresses his love for her over Leah. This begins another sad story of favoritism that will rip apart this family.

A Family Fiasco: 12-Tribes of Israel are Born [Genesis 29:31-30:24]

Jacob gets what he wants—Rachel, but as soon as he marries her God closes her womb. Like Jacob’s mother and grandmother, Rachel is barren. Since, Rachel is barren, Leah sees this as her gateway to Jacob heart. Leah gets pregnant, all the while hoping, Jacob would finally love her because she would make her hubby a daddy. It did not quite work out as she planned. Three baby boys later she was sure Jacob would fall for her. Yet Jacob had no love for Leah. She has four-and-no-more until she gives praise to God. It took four pregnancies for God to finally get a hold of Leah’s heart.

Rachel, like any sibling wants babies too. She sees her sister and becomes jealous. So in an overdramatic outburst she demands Jacob, “Give me children or I shall die.”[1] Jacob responds in anger that it is God whom controls her womb. Could Jacob be growing in his faith? I think not! For immediately, like Sarah giving her servant Hagar to bear child, Rachel gives her servant Bilhah to Jacob. It does not look like Jacob is trusting God as his father Isaac did by turning to God in prayer. Rachel also takes matters into her own hands and Jacob did nothing about it. In fact, he went along with the adulterous sin. Rachel’s servant Bilhah gives birth to two boys, Dan [meaning judge] and Naphtali [meaning wrestle]. Their names are fit to Rachel’s sibling jealousy and lack of trust in God.

Not to be outwitted, outplayed or outsinned Leah in turn gives Jacob her servant Zilpah to sleep with. Leah brags about it when Zilbah who gives birth two boys and names them Gad [meaning luck] and Asher [meaning happy]. Leah, like Rachel, forgets to see that the blessing of children is from God. Doesn’t this family seem a little redneck? They would more accurately be dubbed, rebellious. The story gets stranger as Jacob’s firstborn son Reuben finds some mandrakes [an herbal aphrodisiac]. He gives them to his mother Leah. Rachel is a freak for mandrakes and she trades bedtime with Jacob to Leah—paying her as like a prostitute. Jacob-the-pimp doesn’t question the ethics of his wives and sleeps with Leah. She gives birth to two more sons, Issachar [meaning hire/wages] and Zebulun [meaning honor].

Somehow Leah resorts back to having babies out of jealousy—always a bad idea. And somewhere Rachel prays to God, He graciously answers, opens her dead womb, and gives her a son. They name him Joseph [meaning may he add]. Joseph was the youngest boy until Rachel later had Benjamin [cf. 35:18]. Add up all the boys from four momma’s and Jacob is the proud papa to a bakers dozen—12 boys + 1 girl, Dinah.

Through this dysfunctional, jealousy-ridden, polygamist family, God would safeguard His covenant in Jacob’s sons. This family would become the initial branches of the twelve tribes of Israel through whom Jesus would be born and heal the human sin problem, which was so evident in Jacob’s family. By God’s grace alone He saves this family from themselves. Revelation 21:1-14 reveals how these twelve sons who came from the four conniving women in Genesis will mark the gates of heaven where Jesus is awaiting those He has also saved by His grace.

It Never Fails: God keeps His promises [Genesis 30:25-31:55]

According to Jacob, it was about time to move out on his own. He is 90 years old, has two wives, and twelve children from four different women. What his mother thought might be a few day flee from Esau ended up being twenty years working for free for Laban [his father-in-law]. He built for Laban a sizeable ranch that pulled in some fat-cash.

Through demonic divination Laban learns that he has been blessed with wealth and power because Jacob has the covenant blessing of God upon him. Jacob desires to return home to the Promised Land to his father Isaac, however, Laban like a crooked used car salesman seeks to keep Jacob around the ranch by offering to finally pay him a reasonable salary. Jacob, like his father [Isaac] and grandfather [Abraham] rejects the gift and entrusts himself to God in faith. God honors Jacob’s faith and makes him a very wealthy man. Though it may seem like Jacob is taking advantage of Laban the truth is God is making right a wrong by giving Jacob what he earned during twenty years of faithful and fruitful labor for Laban.

God is big on keeping His promises. He has promised to be with Jacob and get him back to the Promised Land. God calls, “Return to the land of your fathers and to your kindred, and I will be with you.” [31:3; cf. 12:1] Jacob responds immediately in faith. His wives also respond in faith [note: Rachel steals the household idol]. Jacob loads up the kids in the camel caravan and leave Laban’s home in secret while he is out giving the sheep a haircut. They leave undercover possibly out of fear that Laban would come up with a sly way to keep Jacob working around the ranch.

When Laban finally found out that his daughters and grandchildren were gone he and his relatives pursued Jacob for seven days until they caught up with him. Ironically, the same Laban who tricked Jacob into marrying both of his daughters became rich because of God’s blessing upon Jacob. He cheated Jacob by changing his wages ten times and complained that Jacob had been deceptive with him. However, God protected Jacob by appearing to Laban in a dream and commanding him not to harm Jacob in any way. Laban only accuses Jacob of stealing his household idol, but he was unaware that his wife Rachel stole them and was sitting on them.

Jacob honors God by praising Him for all blessing he and Laban have received [31:42]. Then Jacob and Laban shake hands and agree Jacob will take no more wives. They built a monument to remember the covenant. Laban kisses his daughters and grandchildren goodbye and the men part—Laban went back home and Jacob to his old home in the Promised Land. This set the stage for a story for Jacob to meet his brother Esau for the first time in twenty years [come back next week to find out what happens].

[1] These words would later proved to be prophetic and tragic; Genesis 35:16-19.

a bride for Isaac

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Genesis 24:67 “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”

Genesis now begins to focus not just on the God of Abraham, but also the God of Isaac and Jacob as Jesus taught in Matthew 22:32. Genesis 24 tells us that Abraham was old and had been blessed by God in every way as God had promised. And to ensure that his son Isaac would marry a woman who would worship his God by faith Abraham sent his servant back to his home to find a wife for his son. Abraham did this trusting that the God who had blessed him would be faithful to now provide for Isaac by sending an angel ahead to arrange the details.

Abraham’s faithful servant did as he was told and went to the region of Abraham’s brother Nahor. Stopping at a spring the servant prayed for God to provide. Before he had finished his prayer God had already answered it, sending the lovely virgin Rebekah to the spring. Rebekah drew water for Nahor and his animals. When the servant inquired of her family she said her father was Nahor and that he was welcome to stay at their home. The servant was so overjoyed at God’s perfect provision that he bowed down and worshiped the Lord for answering his prayer.

Rebekah agreed to go with Abraham’s servant to be Isaac’s wife. Upon arriving at Abraham’s household Rebekah was brought into the former tent of Isaac’s mother Sarah and married her. Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage ends with the beautiful words that “he loved her” and she was such a fitting bride that he was comforted by her love after the death of his mother.

We learn a great deal about God from the Genesis 24 narrative. God does not speak, but is silent in the narrative. However, God’s unseen hand of providence moves the story along showing Himself to be faithful to Abraham and Isaac. God also answers prayer and can be trusted to provide even when he has not spoken but has been spoken to in prayer.

There are some great applications from the story of Genesis 24 that are truths to take home. I will praise God for his faithfulness and steadfast love [24:12, 27]. I will remember my future is in God’s hands. I will encourage young men to pray and wait for a godly brides and encourage them to listen to their parents wisdom. I will pray to God with sincerity believing He does provide and keep His promises. I will trust God even when life does not make sense. I will serve God and others with expedience and efficiency.

I remember when I was a single man praying for God to provide a godly wife. What a joy it is to wait for His timing and to pursue His will. The wait was long and hard, but it was well worth the wait!

Keys to Genesis 24: bless [1, 27, 31, 35, 48, 60], prosper the way [12, 21, 27, 42, 56]

thumb licks [6.23.11]

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My Problem with Love

Recently, I read a Christian commentator, who had fallen heads and heels in love, trying to draw a connection between romantic love and divine love. The parallels are tempting to make, but are fundamentally erroneous. The main reason is that the modern/post-modern notion of romantic love as manifested in contemporary western culture is a far cry from the love that Christ taught about and that God has for humanity. Here are a few of the important distinctions.

6 difficulties atheists encounter

Atheists often like to give the impression that they hold the rights to rational living because they reject the existence of God. Don’t be fooled by this. Atheism is an irrational conclusion on many levels. Consider 6 difficulties atheists encounter.

Gospel-Driven Effort

Growing in godliness is a fight of faith–a fight to believe the truth about our justification, our adoption, a fight to believe all that God says about us by virtue of our union with Christ. But growing in godliness is more than trusting; it is also trusting enough to obey. The New Testament gives us commands, and these commands involve more than remembering, revisiting, and rediscovering the reality of our justification. We must also put on, put off, put to death, strive, and make every effort.

Reminders Are More Effective Than Rebukes

Are you tired of being told that if you’re really serious about God, you must be in an “accountability group?” You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where you and a small group of “friends” arrange for a time each week to get together and pick each other apart–uncovering layer after layer after layer of sin? The ones where all parties involved believe that the guiltier we feel the more holy we are? The ones where you confess your sin to your friends but it’s never enough? No matter what you unveil, they’re always looking for you to uncover something deeper, darker, and more embarrassing than what you’ve fessed up to. It’s usually done with such persistent invasion that you get the feeling they’re desperately looking for something in you that will make them feel better about themselves.

Great Questions for Married Couples

What are some questions a wife can ask her husband to know how to encourage him?

What questions can a husband ask his wife to encourage needed discussions?

My Favorite Sesame Street Classic!