Marriage and the Husband’s Role

Marriage is bigger than life-long love and commitment to your spouse. Marriage is a picture of the gospel. As a husband loves and honors his wife he makes visible to the world around him how Jesus loved the church.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7, ESV

It is interesting that there are six verses for women and one verse for men. Is it that men can only handle one verse? Is it that men need it said simply? We may never know. Admittedly, it isn’t a short verse. And from this verse we see two indispensable things every woman needs from her husband: understanding and honor.

Seek to understand your wife.

This means a husband is to consider his wife, consider her point of view, listen to her, and aim to do what is best for her.

Men and women are very different (duh?). Some men would say it is impossible to understand women, however, this verse says there is no excuse. We are are to live with them in an understanding way. Here are three simple ways how:

First, study her. Husbands are to get an education in their wives. As you study you will know best how to love and honor her. Second, spend time with her. Peter says, “live with her.” In other words, do life with your wife. It is not possible to understand your wife if you’re not intentionally spending time with her.

Third, sympathize with her. Peter says it is sin to bully another person, even if you are stronger and the other person is weaker. Sometimes men sin terribly by pushing around their wives or children. That isn’t strength, it’s sin. A husband is to protect his wife and be her attorney. Women are like a thermometer that can be sensitive to slight changes and they may not bounce back from hurt as quickly as men. This is why the text refers to women as “weaker vessel.” This isn’t negative nor does it mean women are lesser, but God made them more delicate and thankfully so.

Show honor to your wife.

This means that a husband should not be rude to his wife, speak in a mean way to her, threaten her or make her scared, abuse her or hurt her in any way publicly or privately. By honoring her you show respect to her thoughts, ideas and feelings. Treat her like a princess.

Why honor her? She is an “heir of grace.” She is a daughter of the King. Together you benefit from the grace of God. Although as a husband and wife you may be very different from one another, you are equal on terms of grace. God shares with us every good thing.

There is a grave consequence for a husband who is doesn’t seek to understand or honor his wife to his wife. According to this verse, Peter says that a husband who is mean to his wife will not have his prayers answered by God. This means that a husband who do not lovingly serve his wife will not be lovingly served by God until stops sinning against her. God is concerned how we treat one another and how we treat one another affects how we talk to God.

Begin by praying for understanding. God will give it. Honor God and you will show honor to your wife. Your wife will blossom and the world will see Jesus brightly in you.


Questions for Reflection:

  • How does a husband understand his wife? If you are a husband, where do you need to grow in understanding your wife? How are you spending time with your wife?
  • What are the responsibilities of a husband toward his wife? What does it look like to show honor to your wife? How does a man’s attitude effect his ministry? How does your behavior preach the gospel to your wife and others? How does the way you treat your wife reveal your relationship with Jesus?
  • What does it mean that a woman is a “weaker vessel”? What doesn’t it mean?
  • What does it mean to be “heirs of the grace of life”? What does it look like to treat your spouse as an heir of grace? How does this passage support that men and women are equal but different?
  • How does your relationship with your spouse affect your relationship with God? How does it affect your prayers?

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