There is no “easy” path to fellowship with Jesus.  Today I need him.  Again.  I don’t want to lay down my desire for relaxation and pleasure in order to gain fellowship.  I’d rather have my cake and eat it too.  But, it just doesn’t work.  It takes faith to get back down on my knees and believe that my Father gave me limitations in love.  He gave me weakness and tiredness – not as punishment, but as reminder.  “There is only so much I have planned for you in each day.”  Why don’t you seek my face for wisdom so that you can rejoice and not feel guilty at the end of the day?

Sometimes it doesn’t feel exciting to seek God’s face.  It feels tedious.  That is a lack of faith in my heart.  I don’t believe what he has “planned for today”  can be all that much more exciting and meaningful than the laundry and diaper changing he had “planned” for yesterday.  That is a lack of humility in my heart.  And, after awhile my pride doesn’t like feeling bombarded by these flashing neon signs that come on when I get on my knees: “You’re a doubter!  You aren’t humble! How do expect to get anywhere in your relationship with God, I mean really!”  And I can cling to my flesh or crucify it.

I crucify it by using the word of truth which is a sword.  “My God says that a sparrow doesn’t fall to the ground without His noticing, so he notices that I feel tired. My God says that ‘Blessed are those who are broken and contrite in heart for He will not despise them. Come to me all you who are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest.”  Show me, God, how to come to you.  I believe that Your joy – even the joy you have over my life – gives me strength.  You rejoice over me with songs.  You might even dance.  One day soon I will be with you and you will wipe away every tear.  Hallelujah.

You have come to overcome the world.  You have poured out your blood to make an end to death.  You have risen and erased the accusation of the accuser.  You are God and you are good.  Hallelujah.

Come, and be my shepherd.  Here, I give you my frail heart.  Oh, be careful with it, won’t you? Give me strength to seek your face.  I can’t do it enough.  I can’t offer the quality you deserve.  I can only ask you to make me into something that will please you.  And you have.  How I long for that first look and touch of yours.  And then – forever.  All will be done except for goodness.  It will go on and on and on.  Hallelujah.