eulogy: dead by sled

I almost died yesterday. Okay, not really. I went sledding with some friends from church at Slatter Hill. The conditions were supreme. The snow was packed, the air was cold, and the orange-deer sleds were dominating the competition on the hill. For real, no sleds could challenge our speed.

Risking my life for the glory of the day I borrow a little kids can of Pam cooking spray. I lathered my sled up in buttery goodness and dared to conquer the slope. A few butterflies entered my stomach. My pride was at stake. I got into my sled and took the street-luge position. Pete gave a quick push and I was off.

My eyes were watering because of the speed. My bowls were about to explode in my snowpants. I was rocketing towards the road. I couldnt bail. Only chickens bail. I reached the bottom of the hill, but I had such great speed that I launched over the road rear the Purdue soccer field fence. The sled stopped. For a moment I basked in the glory!