This is a monologue, which could be performed around Christmas time. It is about one of the least talked about characters within the Christmas story. He certainly is not the most important, but I often wonder what he must have thought of this glorious event:

Yes, sir, here are your extra towels (hands couple a set of towels).

No, I am sorry we do not have a hot tub.

Wow, what a day. This census that Caesar asked for is really good for business!(Yawn) I think I am going to head to bed.

(laying down) Oh, this feels so good! The bed is so…

[Knock, Knock]

Who could it be at this time of night? Hello?

Yes, it is late.Nice to meet you, Joseph.

No, we are all booked up. I am sorry you didn’t make any reservations. You might want to check the Motel 6 down the street…they always keep their lights on for you.

Oh, you already checked?

I understand you have traveled a really long way (from Nazareth) and that you are tired, but I am sorry we do not have any room for you here.

I see that your wife is pregnant. She looks like she is ready to pop. I am sorry, did I say that out loud?

Ok, I think I might have a place for you to spend the night, but only tonight. It is all that I got…Out back I have a cave and in that cave there is some hay and a feeding trough. You can make use of that area tonight. Don’t tell the Bethlehem safety Council, ok? I am sure it wouldn’t pass inspection. You can sleep tonight for free. Please, be quiet. Most of our guests are sleeping.

Yes, you are welcome.Good night.Hmm…what an interesting couple. What a polite man. They look so young to be having a baby.

(scratching eyes) Now my bed is calling my name. Ahh…I love this new Temper-Pedic mattress.[Knock, Knock] Cant a man sleep in peace?

Yes, how can I help you?You are shepherds. I am sorry we cannot let you in our inn. This is a civilized place. If others knew you stinky, dirty guys were here I would surely lose customers. Plus, we do not allow pets in the rooms. Your sheep would need to stay outside.

Oh, you don’t want a room. Well, fine. Why did you wake me up then?

You are looking for a baby? I don’t know of a baby…wait…I just sent a couple out back. The woman looked very pregnant.

Yes, they are from Nazareth, how did you know?

You saw angel?

Are you sure? I am sure you get a little loony after being in those fields with sheep all day and night. I am sure it gets a little lonely too. But, angels? Now, that’s funny!

Ok, ok, I guess you guys are pretty serious. The young family is out back in the cave. You can leave your sheep there too, it is a perfect place for animals. Please, keep them quiet. I wouldn’t want to be a baaaaaad host now.Good night gentlemen.

Talk about a strange night. Shepherd coming to Bethlehem because angels old them too. Crazy, shepherds!

Alright, now…Oh, that’s great. Boy, she snores really loud.

[Knock, knock]

Goodness! That’s it. This has got to stop.

(frustrated) WHAT DO YOU…want?

Oh, please forgive me your majesty’s. What can I do for you? What pretty gifts you have. No, I am sorry our royal suites are taken. I can make sure we have something available right away tomorrow!

You are not looking for a room?

You mean to tell me for 4 months you have been walking across the countryside following a star? You call yourselves wise guys? Sounds crazy if you ask me.You come to seek a baby?

Ok, follow me.

Hello, Joseph.You have a baby? Already? That was quick! I guess your wife really did have to pop. You have a son?

Congratulations.

He is so quiet.

Why are the shepherds worshipping the baby? (looks left)

Why are these wise men bowing down too? (looks back)

They are bowing down to the baby?Oh, my, oh, my…You are the One I heard about in Sunday School. It is true. At my inn! It is the LORD. You are the LORD! (worships himself)