Salutations, brothers and sisters!
As people of Jesus, we are reminding ourselves to “one another.” There are 59 one another verses in the Bible. Today, we look at “greet one another with a holy kiss.” (Romans 16:16) It might surprise you that Paul echoed this command at the end of five of his letters. We will uncovering what it means and looks like today.
Greetings—both hellos and goodbyes—look different around the world. For example, Southern Europeans give three kisses. Americans hug, high-5, or fist bump. Kunik in Greenland rub noses. Tibetans stick out tongues. Japanese bow. A tribe in Zimbabwe clap their hands. Many in the nation of Chad hold hands over their heart. In Sarah Lanier’s book, Foreign to Familiar, a guide to understanding hot and cold climate cultures, she makes an interesting correlation between warm-climates and warm-greetings and cold-climates and cold-greetings.
Romans 16 is the final chapter in Paul’s magnum opus on a theology of salvation. It is fascinating that Paul wraps up his letter so relationally (notice the familial language). Some might chalk it up to Paul simply closing out a letter, but there is the sense that there is more to it than that. He shows us that deep theology without deep relational application is meaningless and fruitless.
We are commanded to be relational and familial.
A hello may seem like just a hello, but greetings are deeply relational and intimate, especially in a family setting. The word greeting in the original Greek is philemati (lit. love thing). You might recognize the word phileo embedded into the word. Think Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. The word means to show familial—sibling—love. It’s a means of showing affection and appreciation often expressed as a kiss (but not romantic; eros).
We see this kind of kiss when Joseph, after having been torn away from his father and not being able to see him for years, “fell on his father’s face and wept over him and kissed him” (Genesis 50:1). In the parable of the prodigal son, when the son finally repents, we are told that “he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). And in Acts 20, as Paul is leaving Miletus likely never to return, the people wept and kissed him.
Romans 16 gives us the longest greeting list in the Bible. Paul mentions 35 people by name. He had many relationships and he valued each of them. This was Paul’s “thank you card” list of people who partnered with him and risked their lives for the sake of the Gospel! I am certain if you took the time you would have a list like this for people in this city too.
Greeting one another is not optional or trivial. We greet because we are family—a new kind of family (still with some heartaches and disfunction). If my Father is God and your Father is God, then that makes you and I brothers and sisters. We are spiritually siblings. The first-generation Christian family (and us) are being taught how to relate with one another.
We are expected to grow in holy affection for one another
That the greeting is referred as a “holy” affection says something important about the kind of relationship we are to have with one another. Holy means set apart or consecrated. The grounds of our growing mutual affection are not just a shared history together, a similar social status, or shared personal interest—it is our bond together in the saving blood of Jesus. We interact with one another increasingly in a way that displays our extraordinary, supernatural connectedness in Christ.
In Tolkien’s, Lord of the Rings, we read about a unique fellowship of men, hobbits, elves, and dwarves who were tasked to help Frodo destroy the One Ring. They couldn’t be more different from one another. As they meet together for the first time, Lord Elrond shares this truth, “You will unite or you will fall.”
More often we can feel like Bilbo, “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well you deserve.”
Yet I find that we want as Frodo says to Samwise, “I am glad that you are here with me, Here at the end of all things.” We see that holy affection grows when we go through fire together.
It is hard to greet with holy affection when you’re not at peace. Have you ever come to a meeting place (like church) and you see someone you don’t like or with whom you’re not at peace? Your heart races. Your throat tightens. You get a pit in your stomach. You may try to avoid eye contact. You are tempted to flee out the backdoor. It feels awkward. At the least, you might muster the courage to exchange a quick hello or pleasantry.
We mustn’t ignore this happening in our kind of Christian community and among kingdom-minded colleagues. Greeting takes courage to go towards, especially if growth in holy affection is needed. The command isn’t “like one another and play nice,” rather imbedded within the command is “lovingly greet one another because of what you share in common in Christ.”
Sometimes the status of a relationship can be discovered through non-verbal signs. Reticence to affection between spouses may signal unresolved issues in a marriage. So too, in our Christian relationships, reticence to greet one another may signal a problem that we may need to “go and be reconciled” (Matthew 5:23–24). Just as it’s hard to sincerely pray for someone while angry at them, it is likewise hard to give someone a “holy kiss” while harboring bitterness. Here are two helps when this is the case…
First, focus on the common joy you share in Christ. in Christ, we are on common ground. At its core, a greeting is the simplest and clearest way to say, “I see you,” “I acknowledge you,” “I care to see that you’re okay,” and “I want to connect with you”.
Remember the woman who burst into the Pharisees’ home and anointed Jesus’ feet with tears and kisses? She didn’t care what others thought. She was overjoyed to be with Jesus because of her newfound freedom and forgiveness (Luke 7:36-50). The Pharisees looked at her in disgust. They could only see her sin. They were unable to take a heart posture like Jesus that said or showed, “I am GLAD to BE with YOU.”
Second, guard your heart from enemy mode. Enemy mode is when your heart posture shifts, you stop listening and caring about others (instead you live from the sark; flesh)—you raise your voice, blame, justify, defend, unfriend, stew, view other as against you, fall out of love, exploit weakness, or despise. Paul touches on this in Romans 16:17-20. Sometimes church as family is messy (and we weaponize doctrine; truth vs/and love). Do you recognize when you/others are in enemy mode and not living from the heart Jesus gave you/them?
We can be as guilt as Judas who in enemy mode betrayed Jesus with a kiss of death. He greeted Jesus, but his affection was cloaked in flattery, insincerity, and deceptiveness. It’s like the older brother, when his prodigal younger brother returned, he had resisted to go out and greet him. He heard the music and hated it. He refuses to participate and celebrate. He was stuck in enemy mode. I am guilt of this sometimes, especially with those closest to me like my kids and wife. When this happens, it is like me to pause and breath, consider an appreciation about the other person, and asks Godsight—how God see them. Then I am acting as a gentle protector not a ghoulish predator.
You and I have enough to handle in this fight together against spiritual enemies to add to it by fighting together as enemies of one another. We are people who love our enemies. What posture toward your brother or sister might the Lord want you to take today? Will you strive for peace even when it costs you?
As we greet one another we display the good news
You cannot “one another” yourself! The way we live, act, and treat one another is evidence that we belong to Jesus. Living out the “one another’s” is living out the gospel before a watching world. A holy greeting is a genuine, heartfelt, appropriate, visible expression of love. It is a way to extend peace (shalom). It can introduce and invite people to Jesus.
The good news is this: Jesus created mankind and welcomed us into the world with the kiss of life. Like Judas, we have all sinned and betrayed the Son of God with the kiss of death. Yet despite the betrayal, rejection, wounds, pain, and sting of death, Jesus loved the world and died so that you might have eternal life. That our God would have such an intimate and affectionate love for you like that—He is worthy of a holy kiss! And like the woman at the Pharisee’s house, one day you will fall at the feet of Jesus and “kiss the Son!” (Psalm 2:12)
What about Holy Kisses Today?
Brothers and sisters, we might not greet each other with kisses today. But whether with a hug, handshake, or heartfelt word, we must share holy affection.
The holy-kiss command is a rebuke to any who would claim Christ and yet nurse a critical heart toward their spiritual sibling. It exposes the folly of Christians who would claim to love but find their brother or sister merely annoying or maddening, or to be flattered or exploited.
To greet one another is a way to slow down, see each other as God sees, examine your soul, extend sibling affection, and show the world we are a new kind of family. Before you leave today and also at future times when we gather, greet one another with holy affection.
Benediction from 2 Corinthians 13:11-14:
brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.Resource to help Escape Enemy Mode
spreading the fame 