Tag: enemy mode

Others

Posted in mini theologies for missionaries, missions, relationshipsTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

WHY ARE WE BETTER TOGETHER

The small mission team in Northern Africa was a microcosm of the “one another” challenge. Amy, the meticulous planner, grew frustrated with Abe’s spontaneous, often chaotic, approach to ministry. Abe, in turn, found Amy’s rigidity stifling, feeling judged and rejected, and he often retreated. Their unspoken tensions, fueled by weariness and cultural stress, created a subtle but palpable chill that affected their joint work. They were physically together, but relationally drifting.

This internal friction inevitably bled into their interactions with locals. When a new disciple, Ahmed, struggled with consistency due to complex family obligations, Amy saw it as a lack of discipline; her “God-sight” was clouded by her own unmet expectations. Abe, while more empathetic, sometimes over-identified, failing to offer the gentle admonishment Ahmed needed. The team’s inability to fully “one another” internally made it harder to extend that same when discipling Ahmed, who sensed something was off.

Forming, storming, norming, and performing are the common stages of team development. Oftentimes, God puts together people who wouldn’t normally be friends and calls them to work together in the same field on the same mission. One anothering, maintaining peace, unity, and servant-heartedness become work in itself.

BIBLICAL REFLECTION ON COMMUNITY

The summons to “one another” is not merely a suggestion for harmonious living, but a divine imperative and a powerful witness. In the unique pressures of cross-cultural ministry, your relationships with teammates and local contacts are both your greatest resource and a crucial battleground. Understanding and actively living out the “one another” commands is essential for flourishing and effective ministry.

God models community and togetherness. Woven into the very fabric of God’s nature is a design for relational living over isolation. Community is a reflection of God Himself. God is not a solitary being but a communion of three co-equal Persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—who exist in perfect, eternal relationship, love, and unity. This divine “togetherness” is the ultimate blueprint for all created community. (Deuteronomy 6:4; Matthew 28:19; John 17:21)

Man was created for relationships. From the beginning, God designed humanity for interdependence, declaring “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This foundational truth extends profoundly into the Christian life, where believers are called into a spiritual family, the Body of Christ. We are not meant to operate as isolated units; our collective strength, wisdom, and witness are found in our unity and mutual service. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; Romans 12:4-5; John 13:35)

The Church is God’s redeemed community. The Church, the Body of Christ, is God’s primary means of demonstrating restored community on earth. It is a diverse assembly of individuals, united by the Holy Spirit through faith in Christ, called to live in active interdependence and mutual love. This spiritual family is meant to be a multiplying and living testament to the power of the gospel to reconcile and unite. (Romans 12:4-5; Ephesians 4:1-3; Acts 2:42-47)

God sends people together to demonstrate His heart. We believe that God calls us into His mission together, never alone. Biblical community is not an end in itself, but a means to flourishing and a powerful witness to the world. Jesus Himself, the ultimate missionary, consistently modeled team ministry. He didn’t send His disciples out alone, but in pairs. This was not merely a practical strategy but a reflection of God’s relational nature and the power found in unity. (Mark 6:7; Luke 10:1) The early church, empowered by the Holy Spirit, continued this pattern. The first recorded missionary sending from a local church involved a team, not an individual. (Acts 13:1-3; Philippians 4:3; 2 Corinthians 8:23)

Man is commanded to “one another.” The numerous “one another” commands in the New Testament provide a practical framework for Christian community and discipleship. They can be broadly summarized into four interconnected categories, each essential for healthy relationships and a powerful witness.

Love One Another. This is the overarching command that underpins all others. It is the defining characteristic of Christ’s disciples and the ultimate expression of our transformed lives. (John 13:34-35; Romans 13:8; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7)

Bond with One Another. God calls His people to strive for unity, even amid divinely designed diversity in the Body. These commands emphasize the importance of maintaining peace, harmony, and a shared purpose within the Body of Christ, reflecting the unity of the Trinity. (Romans 15:7; Ephesians 4:2-3; Romans 14:19; Philippians 2:3)

Serve One Another in Humility. To need someone else is humbling. To ask for help is humbling. Not being able to do something alone is humbling. These commands call for a posture of lowliness, deference, and active servanthood towards each other, mirroring Christ’s example. (Galatians 5:13; Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 5:5; John 13:14)

Build Up One Another. The opposite would be to tear down and destroy, which is the strategy of the enemy. These commands focus on actively strengthening, supporting, and spurring each other on in faith and good works. (Hebrews 10:24-25; Romans 14:19; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Galatians 6:2; Colossians 3:16)

Seek to See One Another as God Sees. To truly “one another,” we must cultivate “God-sight”—the ability to see fellow believers, even the unreached, as God sees them: as people created in His image, fallen yet redeemable, and deeply loved. This perspective moves beyond superficial judgments, cultural biases, or past offenses to recognize one’s inherent dignity and potential in Christ. It means looking beyond the “flesh” (their outward behavior or unrenewed nature) to the “spirit” (their created value and God’s handiwork). (1 Samuel 16:7; 2 Corinthians 5:16; Ephesians 2:10)

What other Scriptures or biblical aspects come to mind when you consider “others”? Take a few moments to look up 1-2 of these verses and journal what the Lord highlights for you.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:34-35

THE IMPORTANCE OF ONE ANOTHERING

Actively practicing the “one another” commands is not optional; it is vital for the health of the missionary, the team, the nascent church, and the integrity of the gospel message.

Glorifying God: When believers live in unity and love, it brings glory to God, reflecting His own relational nature.

Witness a Redeemed Community: A loving, unified community is the most compelling argument for the gospel in a fragmented world. It demonstrates the transformative power of Christ in relationships.

Effective Discipleship: New believers learn how to live out their faith by observing and participating in healthy “one anothering.” It’s how the church matures and reproduces.

Overcoming Cultural Barriers: Intentional “one anothering” helps missionaries bridge cultural divides, fostering genuine understanding and empathy rather than judgment or isolation.

Spiritual Health and Resilience: Mutual encouragement, burden-bearing, and forgiveness within the team are essential for preventing disunity, combating spiritual warfare, and fostering long-term endurance.

PRAYER ACTION

Consider the Scriptures you cling to above. Consider the “one another” texts. Write a prayer for the kind of person you want to be for who considers others.

BUILDING A PRACTICAL MINI-THEOLOGY

Take some time to prayerfully draft your practical mini-theology of “others” by responding to these questions:

How am I to view others? What does it look like to have God-sight?

example: God is… We are the kind of people who… It is most like us/me to… We/I will… We/I hold to…

How am I to relate to my spiritual siblings and co-laborers? What does it mean to “one another”?

Why are we better together than alone? Why send out mission teams? Why is the way that a team loves, bonds, serves, and builds up a vital part of their work?

Once you finish, share your responses with your mentor. Ask for feedback. Adjust your draft as needed.

Additional Resources for Going Deeper:
Think Diversity, by Tracey West
What the One-Anothers Do, by Matt Ng
Escaping Enemy Mode, Jim Wilder
Why We Need Teams for the Missionary Task
The Critical Role of Relationships in Missions

WAYS WE “ONE ANOTHER” ON THE FIELD

“Checking In” with God: Throughout your day, practice briefly pausing and “checking in” with God about your current relationships, situation, feelings, or interactions. Ask Him, “How do You see this/them?” or “What is Your perspective?” or “What needs to change in me to “one another” better?”

Scripture as Lens: Immerse yourself in the Bible, not just for information, but to understand God’s character, His ways, and His perspective on life and people. This grows God-sight. The more you know Him, the more your thoughts will “rhyme” with His. This is contrasted with “earth’s eyes,” which tend to focus on agitation, blame, and a limited human perspective.

Make One Anothering Who You Are. “One anothering” is not hypothetical, but to be actual in our family, team life, local relationships, and discipleship. Here are some ways:

Among a Team:

Encourage One Another (Hebrews 10:24-25): Regularly affirm teammates’ efforts, celebrate small victories, and speak words of life.

Bear One Another’s Burdens (Galatians 6:2): Actively listen to struggles, offer practical help (e.g., childcare, errands, covering duties during illness), and pray specifically for each other’s challenges.

Forgive One Another (Colossians 3:13): Humbly address conflicts, extend grace quickly, and refuse to hold grudges, understanding that living in close quarters will inevitably lead to offenses.

Serve One Another (Galatians 5:13): Look for opportunities to help out, share responsibilities, and put teammates’ needs before your own, even in mundane tasks.

Be Patient with One Another (Ephesians 4:2): Recognize that everyone is under pressure and adapting, extend grace for cultural missteps, language struggles, or personality quirks.

Among Local Contacts and New Believers:

Accept One Another (Romans 15:7): Embrace new believers and seekers from diverse backgrounds, welcome them into fellowship without imposing unnecessary cultural or social barriers.

Teach and Admonish One Another (Colossians 3:16): Share biblical truth, disciple patiently, and offer gentle correction, allowing God’s Word to shape their lives.

Serve One Another (Galatians 5:13): Model Christ’s servant heart by meeting practical needs in the community, demonstrating love through action, and empowering local believers to serve their own people or you too.

Pray for One Another (James 5:16): Regularly pray with and for local contacts, demonstrating dependence on God and sharing the burden of their spiritual and physical needs.

Show Hospitality to One Another (1 Peter 4:9): Open homes and lives to share meals, stories, and fellowship, building genuine relationships that transcend cultural differences.

By diligently practicing these “one another” commands, pioneer mission workers not only build healthy teams and healthy churches but also powerfully display the transformative love of Christ to a world desperately in need of true community.

Greet One Another

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Salutations, brothers and sisters!

As people of Jesus, we are reminding ourselves to “one another.” There are 59 one another verses in the Bible. Today, we look at “greet one another with a holy kiss.” (Romans 16:16) It might surprise you that Paul echoed this command at the end of five of his letters. We will uncovering what it means and looks like today.

Greetings—both hellos and goodbyes—look different around the world. For example, Southern Europeans give three kisses. Americans hug, high-5, or fist bump. Kunik in Greenland rub noses. Tibetans stick out tongues. Japanese bow. A tribe in Zimbabwe clap their hands. Many in the nation of Chad hold hands over their heart. In Sarah Lanier’s book, Foreign to Familiar, a guide to understanding hot and cold climate cultures, she makes an interesting correlation between warm-climates and warm-greetings and cold-climates and cold-greetings.

Romans 16 is the final chapter in Paul’s magnum opus on a theology of salvation. It is fascinating that Paul wraps up his letter so relationally (notice the familial language). Some might chalk it up to Paul simply closing out a letter, but there is the sense that there is more to it than that. He shows us that deep theology without deep relational application is meaningless and fruitless.

We are commanded to be relational and familial.

A hello may seem like just a hello, but greetings are deeply relational and intimate, especially in a family setting. The word greeting in the original Greek is philemati (lit. love thing). You might recognize the word phileo embedded into the word. Think Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love. The word means to show familial—sibling—love. It’s a means of showing affection and appreciation often expressed as a kiss (but not romantic; eros).

We see this kind of kiss when Joseph, after having been torn away from his father and not being able to see him for years, “fell on his father’s face and wept over him and kissed him” (Genesis 50:1). In the parable of the prodigal son, when the son finally repents, we are told that “he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). And in Acts 20, as Paul is leaving Miletus likely never to return, the people wept and kissed him.

Romans 16 gives us the longest greeting list in the Bible. Paul mentions 35 people by name. He had many relationships and he valued each of them. This was Paul’s “thank you card” list of people who partnered with him and risked their lives for the sake of the Gospel! I am certain if you took the time you would have a list like this for people in this city too.

Greeting one another is not optional or trivial. We greet because we are family—a new kind of family (still with some heartaches and disfunction). If my Father is God and your Father is God, then that makes you and I brothers and sisters. We are spiritually siblings. The first-generation Christian family (and us) are being taught how to relate with one another.

We are expected to grow in holy affection for one another

That the greeting is referred as a “holy” affection says something important about the kind of relationship we are to have with one another. Holy means set apart or consecrated. The grounds of our growing mutual affection are not just a shared history together, a similar social status, or shared personal interest—it is our bond together in the saving blood of Jesus. We interact with one another increasingly in a way that displays our extraordinary, supernatural connectedness in Christ.

In Tolkien’s, Lord of the Rings, we read about a unique fellowship of men, hobbits, elves, and dwarves who were tasked to help Frodo destroy the One Ring. They couldn’t be more different from one another. As they meet together for the first time, Lord Elrond shares this truth, “You will unite or you will fall.”

More often we can feel like Bilbo, “I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well you deserve.”

Yet I find that we want as Frodo says to Samwise, “I am glad that you are here with me, Here at the end of all things.” We see that holy affection grows when we go through fire together.

It is hard to greet with holy affection when you’re not at peace. Have you ever come to a meeting place (like church) and you see someone you don’t like or with whom you’re not at peace? Your heart races. Your throat tightens. You get a pit in your stomach. You may try to avoid eye contact. You are tempted to flee out the backdoor. It feels awkward. At the least, you might muster the courage to exchange a quick hello or pleasantry.

We mustn’t ignore this happening in our kind of Christian community and among kingdom-minded colleagues. Greeting takes courage to go towards, especially if growth in holy affection is needed. The command isn’t “like one another and play nice,” rather imbedded within the command is “lovingly greet one another because of what you share in common in Christ.”

Sometimes the status of a relationship can be discovered through non-verbal signs. Reticence to affection between spouses may signal unresolved issues in a marriage. So too, in our Christian relationships, reticence to greet one another may signal a problem that we may need to “go and be reconciled” (Matthew 5:23–24). Just as it’s hard to sincerely pray for someone while angry at them, it is likewise hard to give someone a “holy kiss” while harboring bitterness. Here are two helps when this is the case…

First, focus on the common joy you share in Christ. in Christ, we are on common ground. At its core, a greeting is the simplest and clearest way to say, “I see you,” “I acknowledge you,” “I care to see that you’re okay,” and “I want to connect with you”.

Remember the woman who burst into the Pharisees’ home and anointed Jesus’ feet with tears and kisses? She didn’t care what others thought. She was overjoyed to be with Jesus because of her newfound freedom and forgiveness (Luke 7:36-50). The Pharisees looked at her in disgust. They could only see her sin. They were unable to take a heart posture like Jesus that said or showed, “I am GLAD to BE with YOU.”

Second, guard your heart from enemy mode. Enemy mode is when your heart posture shifts, you stop listening and caring about others (instead you live from the sark; flesh)—you raise your voice, blame, justify, defend, unfriend, stew, view other as against you, fall out of love, exploit weakness, or despise. Paul touches on this in Romans 16:17-20. Sometimes church as family is messy (and we weaponize doctrine; truth vs/and love). Do you recognize when you/others are in enemy mode and not living from the heart Jesus gave you/them?

We can be as guilt as Judas who in enemy mode betrayed Jesus with a kiss of death. He greeted Jesus, but his affection was cloaked in flattery, insincerity, and deceptiveness. It’s like the older brother, when his prodigal younger brother returned, he had resisted to go out and greet him. He heard the music and hated it. He refuses to participate and celebrate. He was stuck in enemy mode. I am guilt of this sometimes, especially with those closest to me like my kids and wife. When this happens, it is like me to pause and breath, consider an appreciation about the other person, and asks Godsight—how God see them. Then I am acting as a gentle protector not a ghoulish predator.

You and I have enough to handle in this fight together against spiritual enemies to add to it by fighting together as enemies of one another. We are people who love our enemies. What posture toward your brother or sister might the Lord want you to take today? Will you strive for peace even when it costs you?

As we greet one another we display the good news

You cannot “one another” yourself! The way we live, act, and treat one another is evidence that we belong to Jesus. Living out the “one another’s” is living out the gospel before a watching world. A holy greeting is a genuine, heartfelt, appropriate, visible expression of love. It is a way to extend peace (shalom). It can introduce and invite people to Jesus.

The good news is this: Jesus created mankind and welcomed us into the world with the kiss of life. Like Judas, we have all sinned and betrayed the Son of God with the kiss of death. Yet despite the betrayal, rejection, wounds, pain, and sting of death, Jesus loved the world and died so that you might have eternal life. That our God would have such an intimate and affectionate love for you like that—He is worthy of a holy kiss! And like the woman at the Pharisee’s house, one day you will fall at the feet of Jesus and “kiss the Son!” (Psalm 2:12)

What about Holy Kisses Today?

Brothers and sisters, we might not greet each other with kisses today. But whether with a hug, handshake, or heartfelt word, we must share holy affection.

The holy-kiss command is a rebuke to any who would claim Christ and yet nurse a critical heart toward their spiritual sibling. It exposes the folly of Christians who would claim to love but find their brother or sister merely annoying or maddening, or to be flattered or exploited.

To greet one another is a way to slow down, see each other as God sees, examine your soul, extend sibling affection, and show the world we are a new kind of family. Before you leave today and also at future times when we gather, greet one another with holy affection.

Benediction from 2 Corinthians 13:11-14:

brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

Resource to help Escape Enemy Mode